Make Friends With Your Monkey

All of us have one. Some are more active than others. When you think of a monkey what comes to mind is a chattering and noisy little creature that can’t stay still or be quiet (unless it’s sleeping. Maybe). Think about the last time you fretted about something. Did a useless refrain run through your mind? Were your thoughts frantic, cacophonous, demeaning, debilitating? Did unbidden images appear out of nowhere? When the dust settled and (hopefully) the issue resolved, were you relieved yet irritated (again!) about having your time taken, your emotions tossed about, your energy drained?

It’s that damn monkey.

Buddhist teachings often refer to the monkey mind, or Xinyuan, as an unsettling and enervating condition that chitters away our contentment and robs us of true happiness. Restless, inconstant, confused, indecisive, whimsical, and uncontrollable are synonyms. I would call it needless worry because the monkey rarely resolves the true issue at hand. Only when we settle down and are able to assess things calmly do we find a solution. How can we get there?

Stay with me on this😊… I happen to have a very active monkey hooting and jumping around in my brain, which makes this thought process, well, a process. I’m always reminded of observing a group of Howler monkeys go through their noisy and frenetic antics on a trip to Belize a few years ago. They are considered to be the loudest land animals with their howls able to travel over three miles of dense foliage.

Typically when we are under stress because of a situation, our reaction is to get rid of the discomfort. (See my last blog about resistance). We try to banish it and become more and more frustrated when we can’t, because the monkey is too loud. Stress! I’ve spent days with an overactive monkey banging around, insistent on getting my attention while everything else is trapped in limbo. (There’s a reason this blog is called Ruminations!)

Recently I saw a documentary on Netflix called From Stress to Happiness. The short film is about a trip taken by an “unhappy, stressed, and tired” filmmaker named Alejandro De Grazia who was desperate to rejuvenate. His wise wife arranged the trip, which included a meeting in a pristine location with the Buddhist monk Matthieu Ricard, often referred to as “the happiest man in the world.”

Several sessions of deep discussion ended with these words from Matthieu: “Make friends with your monkey.”

What I believe he means is that we cannot banish the monkey, but we can get it to settle down so that we can think rationally and thereby gain a calm and joyful existence through meditation. When we sit quietly and make nice with that monkey, we can make it an ally.

 Mindfulness is key. The Oxford dictionary defines mindfulness as: a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations.

Sitting quietly is a lovely way to be good to yourself. And bond with the monkey.

Here is a link to a very short blurb on this subject:

https://www.matthieuricard.org/en/blog/posts/liberating-the-monkey-mind