Resistance

As I sat out in the backyard this afternoon (wishing it was cooler; we are having late spring temperatures), watching my two puppies (with dismay) digging and eating anything they can find in the dirt, anger building (because I’ve already pulled them away from that same spot several times, dammit!), jumping up (yet again) to redirect them (again) and then deciding I’m done. My patience and sense of well-being now totally gone, I herded them back into their pen, (to play with those damn expensive toys) and sat down to breathe and let my equilibrium return. My gorgeous pups became the source (blame) of my frustration.

Or did they?

My negative feelings arose because two four month old puppies (babies!) refused to leave that lovely patch of dirt alone. Something was fascinating and all-absorbing for them. My NO was absorbed by the air as they were intensely focused, led by instinct and the innocence of youth. They did not understand my anger one wit and looked confused when I penned them. And then I felt like shit, evil and selfish.

Most of you know I’ve been a Buddhist practitioner for about ten years. Far from enlightenment, I have benefitted from awareness which allows the more rational me to deal with the overly-emotional me—if I’m wise enough in the moment to let it. Sadly, this usually happens after I’ve already allowed my anger/impatience/self-righteousness (how dare I be inconvenienced!) to arise and be displayed. Like today. And what caused it?

Resistance.

Resistance is the way we react when we don’t want to embrace the present moment. When we want things to be different. Period. So we feel that anger, or jealousy, or impatience. We don’t accept that things are what they are. Resistere, the Latin present-participle stem of resistance means to make a stand against, or oppose. In other words,the opposite of acceptance. And there goes our body, our sympathetic system raising our blood pressure and heart rate, our endorphins interrupted now and changing pleasant to unpleasant. (I have been told I may have a slight control issue, which means my cortisol is kicked in more than it should, wreaking havoc with my adrenals. Of course, this may not be true at all.)

There are times when this is necessary. But the next step has to be acceptance if we want things to change. Stamping our feet and insisting we want things our way usually doesn’t lead to that. Let me give an example that blew me away. National Geographic’s documentary Jane Goodall, the Hope is a testament of her life and how she has affected many changes for her beloved primates and their wild habitats. A portion of it dealt with the use of primates in medical testing. Jane was able to visit a research center several times, getting to know the chimps who had spent years in the lab. Scenes show her caressing them, her face peaceful and loving. Other scenes show her in pleasant conversation with the center director.

Jane received criticism for her calm demeanor and her civility. How could she support a place like this, people wondered. In an interview, she was asked how she felt about the criticism. She responded with a small smile that, because of her relationship with the center, she was able to show them that the chimps were living, feeling creatures, and they were all retired and sent to a lovely sanctuary to live out their lives. This may not have happened any other way. Jane accepted the circumstance of the research center, while also showing them the error of their thinking. And change happened.   

So…resistance bad, acceptance good.

I can take this short phrase and turn it into a mantra when I’m interacting with those exuberant puppies who are exploring and discovering the world, completely irresistible.